My husband is kind of nuts. He has been baby crazy since our youngest, (who is 13 months old today, by the way) was 6 months old. I am dead serious. At LEAST once a week, he brings up the fact that he strongly believes it is time for another. I am obviously not there yet. I am only just now starting to figure out how to function as a mother of two! Especially a homeschooling mother of two! I cannot even fathom what adding another to the mix would do to me. He has been patient but he is starting to get a little bit upset because I am not on board. When I put myself in his shoes, I can empathize. If I really wanted another kid right this minute, and he didn't, I would probably be way less patient about it.
Here are two lists: His reasons, PRO, and my reason, CON:
TOP 5 REASONS HUBBY WANTS ANOTHER BABY RIGHT NOW:
1.) He thinks Hailey needs a playmate. Someone her own age to grow up with because Alex is too old. To be fair, we both felt that way when Alex was a baby. We started trying for kid #2 on Alex's first birthday. But honestly, he was such an easy baby and it was a whole different situation. I wasn't homeschooling anyone yet and Alex never once threw a tantrum about anything. Really! Hailey on the other hand, is high drama, high attention and high energy.
2.) He is afraid we are running out of time. He really wants, and I have agreed to try for 5 kids. Since I am already 30, he is afraid that I am running out of time to have the rest before it is too late. I have to be fair and admit that I do often wonder if he he is right, but at the same time, I know lots of people, incluidng my mother who had healthy babies in their 40s. Doesn't mean it would be easy. And with my history of having a hard time getting pregnant, (I have something called PCOS which makes it rare that I ovulate among a whole other host of issues that go with it), it increases the time it could take. Of course, we also know how to treat it now. So I personally believe that if we are meant to have 5 kids, God will help us out with that. Which leads me to number...
3.) He thinks that my wanting to use a form of birth control shows a lack of faith in God's plan for us, and in his timing. I have to also admit that yes, I can very much see his point but I am still not feeling that I am ready for another kid and if God thinks I am... well I have to say that I disagree. Wouldn't be the first time I was wrong and it certainly won't be the last, but I suspect God does not disapprove of some birth control methods. I pointed out that we could end up like the Duggars. He says he is ok with that but doesn't think it would happen to us if for no other reason than because we already too old to have that many kids. I still think he is crazy.
5.) He says this one is so darn cute that we need a pair. Yeah really he said that. Sheesh. Maybe he is the baby crazy one!
TOP 5 REASONS I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER BABY RIGHT NOW:
2.) Hailey is an attention hog. She wants a lot of it and has a cow if she isn't getting what she needs right this second. It makes daily life a bit stressful, when I have to stop explaining something to my son during school because he can't hear me over the screaming of the toddler having a tantrum because she can't have his pencil. It gets old. Adding a baby who is crying to that mix doesn't seem like fun to me. My husband thinks that having another baby will help her get over it faster because it won't be all about her anymore. While this may be true, how stressful would it be while she figures it out? Double oy.
3.) My husband and I are both youth leaders at our church. There have already been some unique challenges in juggling both our children and participating in everything with the youth group. Alex is old enough that he is happy to tag along with the youth kids, and he can usually either participate in what they are doing without getting in the way, or if necessary, like during specific talks, he can easily go safely entertain himself for awhile until it is over. Hailey was pretty portable when she was little, but now that she is vocal and mobile, she is often a disruption during youth group talks. She is also a distraction because a lot of the kids watch her instead of paying attention. And she wouldn't have it any other way. Needless to say, that isn't cool so lately I miss out on a lot as I sit with her in a separate location so as not to be a distraction. On bad days, lately I kind of feel like, what's the point of being here at all? This will thankfully stop once she is old enough to sit still and be quiet. It would start all over again if I were to have another right away. This one is a huge motivator for me. Being a youth leader has been a large part of my life for the past two years and I have loved every minute of it. I love those kids and I love getting to know them and spend time with them and I honestly feel left out and bummed when I don't get to be a part of all of it. And since my husband isn't even willing to take turns and sit out some of the time with her so I can participate, I feel like that isn't really fair. Besides that, so far we have been blessed with kids who are portable and easy going. But what if the next kid isn't so flexible?
4.) My last pregnancy was REALLY hard. My hips and back hurt from about 16 weeks until the day I gave birth. I had a hard time walking, and I was in constant pain. If that happens again, and I cannot imagine why it wouldn't, it would be very hard to keep up with, and properly care for a one year old. Especially if I am not getting any sleep on top of it. There were some days when laying down for hours at a time was my only relief from excruciating pain. This time around that wouldn't be an option. Scarey thought.
5.) I want to enjoy my baby. Both this one and the next one. I remember both times I had to care for a newborn I was in a heavy kind of fog for the first few months. Last time was even harder than the first time. My mother in law says its because I was older. I have no idea if she is right but I know that it took me about 5 months to feel normal again and get our routine back. I don't have 5 months to be in a fog if I have a toddler to look after. And I won't be able to sleep when the baby sleeps like I did last time so it will only be worse! I want the opportunity to really enjoy and soak up the last few moments of babyhood that Hailey has left. Every day she already looks more like a toddler and she is doing things only big girls do. If I am tired all the time or having morning sickness instead of playing with her, I will be bummed. Also, if I am busy fixing her and trying to stop meltdowns or chasing her and dealing with terrible two issues, will I be able to properly soak up and enjoy the new baby in all of its adorable squishy newness? Would I be able to take pictures like I have with my other two? Probably not. Maybe, but probably not. That would also make me sad.
Anyway, in the end I know it is all in God's timing and we don't honestly get to choose. And I have agreed, to be fair to my husband, to honestly consider trying for another baby soon. I haven't yet actually considered it, but I have prayed about it. I know if I got over myself and my fears and anxiety about all of it, I would be more than happy to try for another. But I feel like I have some really good reasons to wait. I have a lot more than I listed. I also know that if I look at too many pictures of my kids as tiny babies, and for too long, I start thinking it might not be so bad. And I start to daydream about what if. I dunno. It will be interesting to see what happens. And when.